Remember that song "Signs"? It goes "Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs, blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind, do this don't do that, can't you read the signs?" It also has that catchy bit about "long haired creepy people need not apply." (link to http://www.bing.com/search?q=five+man+electrical+band+signs&src=IE-SearchBox&FORM=IENTTR&conversationid= if you need a reminder). Anyway, that song is on my head tonight as I look over some of last week's pictures and realized that several signs made their way onto my hard drive. So for the record, the song was originally performed by Five Man Electrical Band and was a Billboard Hit in 1971. For the benefit of my English friend, Helen, with whom I had a long standing unofficial competition with in Bermuda, I need to mention that they are in fact Canadian. The rules were that whenever a good song was on the radio by artists from either of our home countries, was to rub it in that THAT song was from my countrymen. And if it was bad....we would gleefully make the other take ownership. I lost a lot of points from Justin Bieber and Celine Dion references. Fortunately the Beetles never received any airplay in Bermuda or it would have been no contest. Adele and Nickelback sort of cancelled each other out. But had I known back then that I could claim the long haired creepy people song, I think I would have been a clear winner. In the end it was a draw...mostly because 98% of what came on the radio in Bermuda was Beyoncé, Kanye, Jason Dirullo, Rhianna, or Lady Gaga, which neither of us could claim.
But back to the point. Signs. There are a lot of signs I have noticed in my travels. I don't think there are more signs than usual, but I am new, so I stop to read the signs about my new home. Some of them are informative, and just supply a bit of perspective to a dynamic and vast landscape, like the one below. I can appreciate that.
Some provide directional orientation with only moderate view obstruction. This sign was actually aesthetically pleasing, I could stand behind it and get a full on panoramic photo of the view if I wanted, and it valuable for geographic orientation. I now knew I was leaving the Chugach National Forest, which was sad because I didn't know I had been in it up until then, so I felt a little cheated of the opportunity to enjoy that tourist moment of saying "so here I am in Chugach National Park." I will know for next time...so this sign is a good thing.
This next sign has a little bit of activism and education involved, so it gets my support. The Cook Inlet Beluga Whales can be seen right around Anchorage (maybe a few miles south). They are classified as endangered and their future is uncertain. I am glad it is on the radar, but I wish it had more concrete plans to save them. To do list...a) master my new job so I get to stay b) save the whales.
Some signs are cautionary. This one below warns that the area experiences high tides. It is wisely placed high up above the tide so you can read it even when the tide is in. I am not trained in forensics, but the sign appears to me to be the victim of multiple gunshot wounds. 4 shots to the upper right quadrant, 3 to the lower right with minimal penetration on the third shot, 1 through and through to the lower left quadrant, and the splay pattern of buckshot to the upper left quadrant signifying either 2 shooters, or a possible post mortem assault by a secondary shooter as the injury to the upper left quadrant would not have been fatal to the sign. More importantly...it reminds me a lot of Alaskans and Americans carry guns. Work did mention in orientation that we are a weapons free facility, but I was left with a little question mark in my head about whether or not the parking lot was covered by that policy and made a mental note to be extra diligent in courteous driving in the US. The lower sign gives some very specific fishing instructions...you may catch 3 salmon...unless they are kings, but only 2 of your 3 can be silvers. Who is watching? Undercover fish guys. True story. The locals tell me they are out they blending in and watching and fining for infractions...for example, if you catch 2 fish, throw them on the bank, and a grizzly comes along and eats your fish, scares 3 years off your life and ruins your new fishing trousers...you can still only catch one more fish that day. Good to know.
The next sign is a good charity and information sign. A local charity takes in orphaned or injured animals, and when possible re-releases them into the wild when they are well. Bears have to be fed, and therefore cannot be re-released as they will come back into human contact looking for food, which has a tendency to end badly. So the bears are fed, enclosed in a portion of Alaska wilderness zoo, and this sign offers information about "adopt a bear" to help fund their upkeep, education, and future rescues.
Some signs start out well, but have a some incomplete information. This next sign has an informative function...but it threw me for a bit of a loop.
It says...do not approach a moose. Having tried to approach a moose which consequently scared me far beyond any risk/benefit analyses I had haphazardly MIScalculated, I can respect that and shall no longer approach moose...es....or meeses....or whatever. Yes, they really are big and they really don't want to be petted...promise. 2. Moose can be aggressive. Noted and accepted based on prior contact which makes me wonder if the unhappy moose noise can be called a growl or not. 3. Give moose room -- hells yeah, I can now abide by that. Now here's where it gets tricky. 4. "If a moose charges or chases you, hide behind something solid such as a tree. It is okay to run from a moose if you have a head start."
Let's stop and think about this. Hide behind a tree. That is great, provided that a...the tree is wider than the subject and b...the moose doesn't move 45 degrees or more and gore you anyway. It is okay to run from a moose if you have a head start. Really? I think I need some standardized, interpretive guidelines...or maybe that's just the lab scientist in me. Like how much of a head start do I need? Or do you need? Is there a formula? Remember M1V1=M2V2? Does that apply here? Moose mass1 x moose velocity1 = me mass x me velocity and the difference is the level of battery I take if caught? I feel I need to know moose maximum velocity, and moose acceleration rate to calculate the rate of change in moose mass energy when he hits me after this running start. It reminds me of high school physics where the teacher decided to engage the audience and ask us to calculate force required to throw a bottle from a vehicle at highway speed to hit a sign (**hint, it's a trick question, you actually have to throw the bottle behind you and away from the sign at a distance that basically nullifies the forward momentum of the vehicle...not that we ever did that...just a valid scientific question in the prairies). I want to know the minimum distance, allowing for the fastest moose in the forest, that I need to establish before making an educated decision to outrun the moose. That said, based on the tree advice...it probably doesn't matter. Either way, this sign made me think of one of my favorite quotes, which is coincidentally probably the best moment ever in a Kevin Bacon movie...click this note and you will see how I predict my next moose encounter would go based on this sign. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QvhCDsFkk0
And of course, I am in America, so one can expect a few signs with political relevance. Here is one for my friend Phil who asked me about this jokingly the other day. The answer is yes. But not from Anchorage. Or most every part of Alaska. In fact, you can only see Russia from Alaska if you are on an island called Little Diomede, which has no civilization outside of a weather station. And the part of Russia you can see is the corresponding Russian Island, Big Diomede, 2 miles away. Turns out you can only see a distance of 3 miles when looking out onto a horizon.
No comments:
Post a Comment