Centerfield

There's a song in my head today that seems to be a fitting theme -- Trouble is a Friend by Lenka.  Catchy and so true.  Here's a link if you aren't familiar with the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHpvlr_kG6U&list=PL038CEB117B0660F7

She sings "Trouble he will find you no matter where you go...he's there in the dark, he's there in my heart, he waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part...trouble is a friend, trouble is a foe, no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow...yeah trouble is a friend of mine, so don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm, i roll down the window i'm a sucker for his charm..."

And so it is.  They say everyone comes to Bermuda because they were running away from something (or someone else).  But problems have a way of sticking to you like a second skin, and you are who you are no matter where you go.  I am blessed to know many people and have a lot of good friends.  My problem is that not everybody I like gets along with each other...in Alberta, in Saskatchewan, in Bermuda, or ever.  Relationships, be it friends, family, or romance are complicated, and the larger the group, the more complex it can become over time as things change.  I often wear myself out meeting up with several different groups, popping into several events in one day or evening, trying to make time for everybody, trying to keep track of the important stuff, struggling with when I have said too much, or too little, and basically playing centerfield when the drama starts up.  It's a slippery slope, a juggling act (with chainsaws), stressful, impossible, and in then end I end up exhausted and wondering how I could have handled it all better in hindsight.  That's why the song resonates with me...I care how people feel, which makes me a sucker for getting dragged into a conflict that has nothing to do with me.  But I do it...over and over and over.  Trying different methods makes me think of her singing no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow.  If I try to save feelings I compromise my integrity by saying too little...and usually get in trouble later for it.  Too much honesty can cause a lot of hurt when someone is dealing with a more than they can handle as well.  The only win is to not be there, which most people can manage...maybe by giving less, maybe by giving to less people, maybe by making choices to be in left field or right field.  Playing centerfield sure seems a lot harder.  But that's the position my personality puts me in...to go to the left or the right when needed...to be flexible.  Manage each relationship independent of everything else, find laughter, support growth, and most importantly, just sharing the little moments.  But I gotta say,  I have always hated baseball. I was never any good at it.  And I am not doing much better playing the role of centerfieldswoman in life either.  So bear with me friends, trust that I won't abandon any of you when the chips are down, forgive me when I don't get it right, and the next time you seem me struggling with a figurative line drive to the head, just remember how much I hate baseball.  I'm only on the field because you, my friends, asked me to be there and I value your friendship.

On a better sports note, it's Rugby week in Bermuda!  There is a very obvious spike in the number of good looking, fit, scruffy men wandering the streets of Hamilton and roaming the aisles of the supermarkets.  Yup.  Trouble he will find you no matter where you go, oh oh....  I think tomorrow I will get a bag of popcorn and just sit on the street and watch the new scenery go by.  What could possibly go wrong?

That's it for today, hope you all know how much you matter, and we will keep doing what we do here, home, or the next place -- the best we can.