Heaven Sent

Jaycena would be 22 today.  She should be receiving Happy Birthday calls, making good on plans with friends, being spoiled.  I should be telling her all the things today that made me think of her and smile.  I should be hearing about her special day.  But there were no words today.

From Jaycena's Facebook page, words she chose in the corner

There were no words, but there was a sled dog, and in my head spun thousands of words about Balto.  Memories of the cartoon, her still childlike voice saying "Balto," and images of her drawing Balto, talking about Balto to Grandma, watching Balto for the hundredth time with Grandpa and both of them yelling "Barooooooooooo" along with him as he howls into the Alaska wind.  Balto.  Jaycena should be able to see my 'Balto' today.

As a young girl, Jaycena also loved horses.  All horses, all colors, sizes, shapes, breeds.  She carried toy horses, cuddles toy horses, slept with horses, and talked and drew about horses and horses and horses.  There were no words, but there were wild horses along the road. 

This is always a hard day.  My sister sent a little message this morning to wish me safe travels and remind me that a special angel would be watching out for me today.  And indeed safe passage from the Yukon to a town with services in Alaska was made -- despite a punctured tire and some 600 km between garages.  At the end of that was a kind act of a garage that stayed open late to do the repair and charged $9 and declined any extra saying "give it to someone who needs it."  Northern Electric in Tok, Alaska gets a shout out for the earthly assistance...a shout out to my little angel Jaycena who surely put it all together.

And so on her 22nd birthday, what is lacking in words in present in signs all through the days.  Her presence in my world left an imprint that will last the rest of my life.  I found a little snowman in the Alaska wilderness, and tucked a little bear in its scarf for a moment along the way...a little bear given to me once by a little girl long ago yet yesterday...my sign to her in lieu of words.  Happy Birthday...love you Jaycena.