Jaycena -- 8 years

I know a lot of people are missing you today, each in their own way.  We miss you every day, of course.  But I guess we mark March 28 as day 0 of days without you.  8 years.  2920 days spent knowing what has been lost.  That knowledge will stay with us all of our lives.

So I try to focus in on remembering what was.  That you were fun -- you made your friends and family smile.  You not only shared in the happiness...you were usually central to it.  You created laughter and memories as you went along.  You were a catalyst in creating so many memories for so many people.

You were growing up into an amazing young woman.  We are left to imagine the finer details, but it's clear who you were.  You were confident, beautiful, strong, smart, funny, and bold.  You were also kind, sensitive, and caring.  You had so many friends that attest to this fact.

We are missing you a bit extra today.  We are remembering you, Laramie, and Brooke.  Sometimes it's hard to believe the world has had the audacity to carry on and keep turning these years.   I never thought I'd quote a Canadian folk song, but I found myself thinking of a line in a Joni Mitchell song, "We're captives on the carousel of time."  How true.  We would stay forever back in time if we could, but it drags us further from our last hug and our last chat each day.

But no amount of time can take away all of the special moments you infused into our lives.  Your laughter is a part of our consciousness.  Your earnestness, sincerity, your honesty made small moments an indelible part of our own hearts and souls.  We carry those exchanges with us every day.  The courage you gave a friend with support is never undone.  The happiness deposited in our lives is real and tangible to this day.  In these ways, you are with each of us still.

We love and miss you Jaycena.  We will never forget how truly amazing and special you were.  And you are with us still in so many ways.  Still love you today, forever, and always xoxo

Iditarod 2017

Iiiiiiiit's Iditarod time!  My favorite snow day of the year!  Despite some looming pressure at work I took the day off for one of my favorite things -- watching the ceremonial start of the Iditarod in Anchorage-- touted as the Last Great Race on Earth.  I don't know who was more excited to be there, me, or this dog.  I think it was a close call.

Clearly delighted to be running for Sebastian Verngaard of France

For anyone who has not yet had the pleasure of listening to me explain the story of Balto; sled dog teams were the Pony Express of their day up here in Alaska.  The Iditarod trail is a historic game trail in Alaska.  And Balto is a cartoon my niece used to love about a historic and heroic sled dog relay run in 1925 from Nenana to Nome, where teams of dogs ran 674 miles (1085 km) in 5 days in the deep artic winter night to deliver life saving diptheria anti-toxin to in epidemic stricken Nome (which one might call the end of the earth here).  The first Iditarod was in 1973, an event dreamed up by a historical society looking at centennial events.  It has grown beyond that humble beginning, but to me, it's still all about Balto.

The Ceremonial Start in Anchorage is one of my favorite days of the year.  The actual race will start Monday in Fairbanks this year, due to climate change, but regardless of where the snow allows the race to begin, the ceremonial start in Anchorage is a tradition on its own.  Helicopters hover above shooting the scene for big networks, but the best seat is standing along the trail, cheering on the dogs as they go by.  It was -21C on a Saturday afternoon, and I was delighted to be a camera yielding popsicle.

The dogs are a particular type of dog -- not quite what you might expect.  They are wiry, fiesty, and they seem to love to run.  Many run in little jackets, and all of them wear little booties to protect their feet on the many miles of icy terrain.  It can be a bit of a puppy fashion show.

This well dressed team is mushed by Laura Neece of Michigan.

DeeDee Jonrowe and her signature team of neon pink paws need are basically a trademark around here.  They are truly "Pretty in Pink".

These handsome little fellas with the Hawaiian flare have picked up a little swagger from their owner, Girdwood Local Nicholas Petit.  I got to meet him and pet a couple of his dogs last summer at Girdwood's Forest Fair, so I will be cheering them on for sure.

In black tie formals, the lead dogs are in tuxedo black and white for Alaska's own Ketil Reitan.  Fine looking dogs indeed.

And representing McGrath, Alaska, we have Joe Carson's team lighting up the trails in bold colors and a little red white and blue flare.  I loved that each of his dogs names were clearly on display, as Amy in the lead shows.

And I suppose I should show a musher or two -- this is Ketil Reitan.

 And in matching red booties, we have Ray Reddington of Wasilla's team.  They were particularly bouncy going down the trail.

And the award for most enthusiastic/slightly crazy lead dog goes to Martin Buser's lead dog.  That is one determined looking little ball of fur.

 Believe it or not, sometimes the mushers don't make the turns, as evidenced here.  There was more than one tumble around the 90 degree turn.  The dogs are very gracious about stopping for us poor, less coordinated humans.

Here's another team that lost a musher around the bend. I think the lead dog might actually be chuckling.

 If these two fine looking dogs are looking confident, it's because they run for Mitch Seavy, who has won the Iditarod twice, has 14 top 10 finishes, and are expected to be amongst the fastest teams again this year.

Also on team Mitch Seavy, this beautiful looking dog.

More of Mitch Seavy's team...I swear they were posing as they slowed to a trot for my lens.

This happy, fun loving team is running for another Alaska favorite, Kristin Bacon.  They are eager to make their best time!

And running for Richie Deal in Anaik are these gorgeous little dogs.

Also running for Richie Deal, these two look like they have a plan!

These dogs are enthusiastic about running for DeeDee Jonrowe on Willow.

More happy dogs on Nicholas Petit's team, proud in their Hawaiian lays.

This dog of DeeDee's is literally walking on air.  They do say the dogs love to run, and it certainly seems to be so.

 In all black booties, Mark Selland's team looks toned and ready to roll.

Check out the expression on one of Rick Casillo's dogs face.  I suspect he's the class clown.

This is Jodi Bailey's team -- they came around the corner like lightning and were just loving the excitement of the day.

Jeff King and his team come down the stretch..his lead dogs might be arguing about who just stepped on whose bootie!

Another team to watch -- this is Dallas Seavy of Willow Alaska.  He and his team have won 4 of the last 5 Iditarods.  It's an amazing, challenging, incredible journey.  Anything can happen.  I'll be cheering for them all -- it's truly amazing, and I can only imagine the beauty of 10 days and nights in the open arctic.  Best of luck to all who take part in the Last Great Race on Earth!!

Oh, and P.S.  Alaskans bring their own dogs to the races, because they love it just as much as the people.  Even the littlest amongst us dreams of being a champion :)

Letting go, gracefully

The blog has certainly suffered these past months.  Work is going well, balancing the personal life could use a little work.  I resisted the temptation to go to work on a cloudy weekend, and got some rest, watched a movie, read a book, got some errands done, and in haled a few breaths of fresh air.  And, opened up the blog which I used to sit down with almost every day.  I found a couple of entries, started but not completed.  I don't actually recall what day I started this one, or why I was thinking about it so acutely on this day, but it seems I was one to something so I will post it anyway.  Sometimes writing is therapeutic.  Sometimes reading is therapeutic.  If nothing else, I have always found that when something troubles me, writing it out at least relieves the burden of the words bounding around in my head.

Throughout life I feel that we face recurring themes.  And sometimes, it takes a while, and once we learn how to navigate a certain situation, that phase of our life, that ongoing challenge passes us by.  These are the things I imagine life coaches, sages, and psychics would say are life lessons.

Life lessons don't happen when you think you need them to, and probably most definitely not when you want to learn then.  But life lessons attach to you all the same.  Today is one of those days where I just feel like talking about the phase I'm at.  Life's lessons are knocking on my door.  I know they will come, as they will.

I think, for the last several years really, my life lesson of note is on loss.  There are indeed losses you cannot ever get over with.  No one else need validate it, no one can mitigate it, there are simply life altering losses that change us (quite literally down to our DNA...it's complicated and simple and really just about methylating a few DNA base pairs under stress...but the point is, it's real.  Stress, fear, anxiety, grief, and many other things such as trauma, addiction, and pain, change us...mentally physically, and...biologicially).  The loss of my niece changed who I was, my core beliefs, my life's paths, and quite honestly, my well being.  This is simply an indisuptable fact of my new reality.  The people who were in my life had a hard decision to make -- did they want to accept this substitution in their lives of the person they used to know?  At some point, over months and years, each of them had to come to the conclusion that the exact same person they used to know, was never coming back.  To their credit most are still here.  And the one's that aren't, I neither blame them nor question them.  I was no longer able to provide the support and encouragement and vitality they needed at that time in their lives either.

But I have come to a point where I understand that not all that is broken can be repaired.  Over these past few years I feel I am facing a life lesson about loss.  There have been many deaths, a few lost friendships, and physical or emotional gaps between people who were once so close.  I am learning, that sometimes we have no choice, and other times we have to let go with grace.  I think the letting go with grace is the current lesson.  I used to believe that you never let go of someone if you cared.  But I am becoming aware of a different concept these days -- maybe people let go of each other because they do care.  Some friendships are painful reminders of places we cannot go back to...and sometimes the kindness is in letting go.  Some relationships force us to face some internal demons that people aren't ready for...providing courage may mean letting go.  And sometimes, being a stablizer means you cause someone to lean when they should run.  Ready or not, sometimes you have to let go.

24

This is invariably the hardest day of the year for me.  Your birthday.  More than Christmas, more than the anniversary of losing you, the day you should be celebrating your birthday is the hardest day of my year.

You would be twenty four.

Today I can't find smiles at memories, but instead feel lost in all of the empty pages of your unfinished story.  There's a bleak fog out my window and I can't find the inspiration to scribe a positive message.  Today, I allow myself simple grief.  I miss you Jaycena.  Love you you today, forever, and always.

A little New York by Day

December in New York, and not a snowflake in sight.  In fact, it was T-shirt and light jacket weather.  The stores were ready for Christmas though, even if the weather wasn't.  Saks on 5th Avenue unveiled its holiday decorum...and when darkness falls, the light show is bound to be spectacular.

Radio City Music Hall had their tree up and the Rockettes are likely doing a little Jingle Bell Rock after dark.  Admittedly, we spent a solid 3 days walking around New York, and about 50% of that was spent walking in the wrong direction from what was intended.  I now understand how hard it is to be an ant in a tall world and am amazed at their ability to continually find the anthill.  I am clearly less directionally gifted than the average insect.  I tried to use buildings like this as a beacon...and it was starting to work by the time I left.

                          

I had to admit for the first few days I was really glad to be in New York.  All the stores, taxi's, and activity.  The novelty did wear off after a few days, but on those first few, I was happy to snap a few pictures of the classic urban jungle.  Those hot dog and food stands are just as prevalent as you expect...but I have to say they never once smelled good enough to tempt me.  I think it's an acquired urban taste, the phenomenon of street meat.

A beautiful sky day to display the characteristic spire of the Chrysler Building.  Despite being an icon of the NYC Skyline, the Chrysler Building is not open the the public.  It's observation deck on the 72nd floor closed in the 40's.  The Chrysler building has always had a bit of exclusivity about it -- early on the top floors were for an exclusive, members only club called "The Cloud Club"  It was a luxurious speakeasy in the prohibition era, with the booze being smuggled in and hidden in a barbershop in the building.  Texaco executives called this building home for many years.

Grand Central Station isn't just a busy train stop -- it's a busy taxi stop too.  I love walking in this area, Park Avenue, 5th Avenue, Lexington Avenue, Madison Avenue.

In the footprints of some of America's most legendary citizens; Cornelius Vanderbuilt, whose great grandfather came to New York as an indentured servant in 1640, amassed a $100 million dollar fortune by the time of his death in 1877.  A young man who was given a job on a harbour ferry at a young age rather than an education, but went on to fund arts and fine education (Vanderbilt University ring a bell?).  He transitioned with the times from ships to railways, and his children would own and sit on the board of directors for Grand Central Terminal.  John D. Rockefeller, Thomas Edison, Nicholas Tesla, Andrew Carnegie, and J.P. Morgan all roamed these same streets as America roared into the modern era through mid 1800-'s to 1900's.

The views at the time were very different.  Carnegie Steel would help change the face of New York.  This is a drawing of Manhattan in 1851.



Two things really jumped out at me about this building.  Firstly, the TD Bank in the bottom.  It's a Canadian thing to take place in the firm foot hold of a Canadian holding at the corner of Park Avenue and 42nd Street in New York.

The  second was the texture of the building, with the intricate bricklaying pattern and carvings.  I loved this building.

This picture was just a snapshot to show the 5th Avenue sign.  But in retrospect it shows a little something more.  Amid the beautiful brick and marble, there is the shiny glass of the Hyatt hotel.  Originally opened as "The Commodore" Grand Hyatt hotel in 1919, surely a nod to the late Cornelius Vanderbilt railway millionaire whose lifetime nickname was "The Commodore."  In the 1980's, the building was "Trumpified."  Considered one of Donald Trump's breakthrough deals, he used the promise of revitalizing the downtown as a negotiation to a 40 year tax relief on the property and used the press to announce the project without having secured finances (allegedly the loan was unsigned at the time of the announcement because he lacked the security deposit).  Donald got the loan and deal after it had been announced as a done deal to the public.  He glossed it up to make it shiny, and sold for a huge personal profit, and saved himself paying $160 million to the city of New York in taxes.  Interesting juxtaposition of symbolism here; both in the architecture and then men they represent.

Inside Grand Central Terminal is a lot of shiny marble.  And what might just be the world's best food court.  If you are in the area, definitely get let in the Dining Concourse.  Curry, beer, cupcakes...it was one of my favorite meals of the week!

I can never quite capture the grandeur of Grand Central Terminal.  It's hard to find a spot where you can quietly take it in.  Or a spot where you can see the whole thing.  I will have to do another trip one day to figure it all out.  Next time...

Return to the Metropolitan Museum of Art -- the Megablog

It's been a while since my last visit to New York.  Three years apparently.  One of the things I really wanted to do again was visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art again.  The last time I was there, a full day of staring at artifacts wasn't enough to take it all in, and I was pretty sure my brain had melted before the end anyway.  This time, I was pretty sure I knew how to pace myself.

a piece of one of the many wonders at the Met

I started with the greek and roman era.  Marble busts, marble statues, rooms and rooms of it.

And the pottery.  I realized that when I think of the classical theme in my head, I picture gods and war scenes, so this one jumped out at me because it was based on a fisherman.

When you go to the Met, your eyes and mind cannot take it all in during the span of a day trip.  I quickly realized that what I absorbed on my first visit 3 years ago -- my eyes had locked onto everything I had seen before in pictures and magazines and shows, happy to see the classic rare treasures with my own eyes.  On my second trip, I quickly recognized and remembered some things from my past visit, but my eyes sought out something new -- the things that were different that what I expect from those pictures and magazines, and shows.  The bust below is actually a bit uncommon for the smoothness of her eyes.  In most, the eyes are placed using a second material, such as limestone, that do not withstand the ages, making this bust a beauty amongst the remains.

This next bust shows the more typical limestone eyes and cuts a beautiful figure on an intricately weathered stone.

And if you stop to look at every trinket, you would need days, but some just catch your eye.  They had this labelled as a two headed creature, type unknown.  I remain convinced they are double heading snapping crocodiles.  World history would be different if I had gone into archaeology (not necessarily for the better)!

I wandered out of the time of the greeks into a more modern era.

But it turns out modern art is still too modern for my tastes.  All I could think about when I saw this was the poor mother who has to explain to her friends why they really shouldn't go to her child's show.

I found a favorite piece from my last trip, the Demidof table, which actually isn't all that old.  1845 to be exact, carved in Italy for a russian prince with a bit of a bad reputation, but a beautiful piece.

I came across a man sitting quietly and drawing one of the statues in charcoal.

Turns out he looked talented enough to be on display himself!  Check out that drawing!

This is perhaps the oldest painting I saw.  It's a funerary painting from Egypt around 60AD.  It's amazing that something as fragile as a painting survives 2000 years.  I fear our only legacy will be plastic.

And speaking of Egypt, it's always fun to visit the Egyptian wing.  Once again there are the more classical sarcophagus figures...

...and the likes of which I have never seen in my books.  I acutally think I like the mummy with the lifelike painting more than the traditional form.

I am used to thinking of Egyptian culture as being adorned in gold, such as this below.

However, I honestly didn't realize they had glasswares, like these shown below.

Nor did I associate Egyptian relics with the brightly colored artifacts of adornment seen below.

There were rows upon rows of carved Egyptian figurines, but this little section of cobalt blue ones caught my imagination. 

And in a "yick" moment, there were shelves and shelves of these.  Creepy little carved scarab beetles.  Yuk.

This room has hardly changed since I was here last.  I had to ask -- is this just a fake display?  They wouldn't seriously have gotten all these stones from Egypt, would they?  Well, it turns out, yes, they did.  This is the Temple of Dendur, built in Egypt, under Roman rule, 15 years before Christ.  For millenia it sat peacefully overlooking the Nile.  However, with the construction of the Aswan Dam, it was to be flooded and lost.  Since the United States assisted Egypt with relocation of several ruins threatened by the damn, the Temple was given to the United States as a gift from Egypt in 1965 (Jaqueline Kennedy was on hand for the occassion).  The Met took possession of the temple in 1975, promising to build a room in which the temple would be protected from the elements (and further vandalism and grafitti such as that which adorns its walls from the 1800's), and also in a location where it could be seen even at night, through the windows, when in Central Park.

The temple isn't too lonely -- Cleopatra's needle, another gift to the U.S. stands in Central Park to this day.

I walked through one door and found I had left Egypt and arrived in America's Industrial Revolution.  If you were a Vanderbilt, this was what your clock would look like in New York in the mid 1800's.

And this is the kind of chair you would sit your rich butt in.

The American wing hadn't changed much since my last visit, so I went on a mission to find the Masters.  En route, I was happy to find this, one of my favorite statues in the whole museum.  It HAD been moved since my last visit (9 days out of 10 I can't find my car in the parking lot, but I remember the placement of 1 object out of 2.4 million in a building I saw once three years ago...my brain is wierd).  Again, from the 1800's, but I like it.  The children are Apollo and Diana, the woman, Latona, mother of the two gods.

I lost a few hours in the European Art Collection.  Literally.  I couldn't find my way back out of the maze of paintings.  Here is a classic Rembrandt.

And another not so classic (ok all Rembrandts are classic, but a female nude was an unusual painting for him).  This is "The Toilet of Bathsheba," a somewhat erotic rendition of a biblical tale.

Overall it turns out I was in a Monet mood.  Monet paintings look more beautiful and lifelike the further you are away from them in my opinion.  I am still a little too close to get the best effect, but look at how well done the reflections are (and not the one on random dude's head -- he was just going to stand there all day so he got in the picture).

Up close it's easier to see the individual brushstrokes that create the effect.

Another Monet...the water in this reminded me of my Bermuda days.

One of my favorite paintings however remains Monet's "Bouquet of Sunflowers."  The museum notes a letter from Van Gogh, saying Gaugain saw this painting by Monet but preferred Van Gogh's, but Van Gogh believes Monet's is the better.  While I like Van Gogh's Sunflower very much, Monet's just always makes me smile.

And speaking of Van Gogh, he had many gorgeous works on display himself.

Pablo Picasso is so known for his bright and bold works, but my favorite piece of his is this almost sepia simple image of "A Woman in White."

Ah, here is one of Van Gogh's Sunflowers, but I believe the one referenced in his letter is a vase of 15 sunflowers.  I quite like this one though.

Degas is most famous for his ballet scenes.  There were quite beautiful.  

The Degas images that I was most drawn to though were those with the bold, charcoal outlines.

One last Degas to end the day.  The Met.  Always a great experience!