The Narcissist Checklist

Narcissism.  We have all heard the term thrown around.  We all have a vague understanding that it's reserved for seriously self centered and egotistic people.  But it was one of those quirky little facebook articles that really got me thinking more seriously about it.  I think it was something like 'why people like narcissists,' or something along that nature.  The premise of the article was addressing an age old question (not the chicken and the egg, the next generation age old question) "why do nice girls go for jerks?"  Narcissists, the article theorizes, pathologically require people to love and adore them, and therefore have spent a lot of time and energy getting good at faking whatever it takes to be so loved and adored.  They are romantic con-men (or con-women), sincerely wanting affection and attention...even if they achieve it through a disingenuous projection of characteristics known to be desirable.  Well, I thought, thank goodness don't have to worry about that, and put it out of my mind.

However, today it dawned on me.  I have been in a relationship with a narcissist.  For 17+ years.   Meet my cat, the fuzzy little narcissist called Lexi.

Let me explain.  Here is a list of characteristics and behaviors associated with narcissism.  Feel free to play along and see if you have someone, or something, in your life that matches up.

1.  Expects to be recognized as superior and special.  Lexi is a cat, this goes without saying, check.
2.  Expects constant attention and admiration.  Uhhhh, no need to explain, check.
3.  Is arrogant in attitudes and expectations.  Again, cat, check.
4.  Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic.  Let's see, today she meowed incessantly to go outside, then stood at my car and meowed at the top of her lungs until I opened the car door.  Why?  She decided that she wanted to have a nap.  Inside of my car.  Unrealistic expectations check.  As an aside, should we even ponder that fact that the cat, sitting around inside, deducted a plan inside her fuzzy little head about what she wanted to do and how she was going to manipulate this bizarre request, and succeeded, as always through prolonged vocal torment of her owner-victim, me.  Narcissists are very smart (point 5 check) and adept at manipulation (point 6 check).
7.  Is preoccupied with thoughts of great power, success, intelligence.  To this I can also tell numerous stories of being outwitted by a 4 pound fuzzball.  For example, her first escape from the apartment, as a palm sized fluffball, where she headed directly to the property manager of the pet-free property and climbed his leg, facilitating our move to a bigger apartment, which I am sure was the premeditated reason for her escape.  The next few escapes were progressive in their complexity, advancing to the point where the cat could walk up to a screen door, nudge a security stick out of the way soundlessly, put her paw on the screen, extend her claws to give a grip, and move her arm to slide the door open before bounding towards freedom.  The cat is beyond intelligent.  Over the years, she has also been training me to suit her preferences.  I no longer try to close the bathroom door, use the computer keyboard unimpeded, or attempt to watch television or read a book with the expectation of an unobstructed view.  As for thoughts of power, she has recently been very keen on vehicles, as mentioned, and this Bobcat all terrain vehicle seems to be one of her newest objects of fascination.  Lord know what would happen if she had opposable thumbs.

But the real problem with narcissists is this.  Despite their power hungry, self centered, demanding, manipulative ways, you adore them because they know what you need too.  They enjoy seeing you happy, because the ability to make you happy is a success, it feeds their ego.  There is a symbiosis in relationships with narcissists, and I can't lie....I love mine to pieces.  I could go on, but the fuzzy narcissist has just gently inserted 2 claws into my hip.  You see, she is too old to jump up and obstruct the keyboard on her own, so I have to help her.  Why would I do that?  Because it makes her happy, and that makes me happy.  Maybe we are both narcissists....hmmmmm.