15 and Million Years Ago

I took this picture when you were 15.  Which was 15 years ago.  It was both yesterday and a million years ago in my mind.  You are about 2 seconds away from a goofy laugh and moving from this funny face to the next thing.  I thought we'd be doing things like this forever at the time.  You were always, and will always be, so beautiful.

 

I took a walk today.  It felt like walking through another lifetime.  I drove by the my old school where you spent your last day playing volleyball.  I walked through the old house, and down the stairs you walked down that last morning.  I touched the wall where the phone used to be...where you stood when we talked on the phone that last day.  The phone was gone but I could hear your voice so clearly all the same.

I drove by the playground where you girls stopped to take pictures.  And I left a little heart at the spot yours stopped.  I said a little prayer and left a few more tears.

As I walked through your world again, I couldn't help but notice how much less vibrant it seems without your light and color.  I felt like I was walking through a tattered memory more than a place.

And in your room, your old shoes, a hint of your personality...I remember shopping with you for these, and getting the sales guy to find the green laces.  I miss you.  I wish today you were walking with me, and anywhere else.

I wish your goodbye wasn't so soon.  Love can last a lifetime.  And so can grief it seems.  But at least there is love.  And you were so very, very loved.

Love you Jaycena...today, always, and forever.