Thirty One

 Thirty One.  My newest pictures are almost as old as you ever were.  It can be hard not to get stuck in grieving for all you did not get to be, to do, to see.  But on your birthday I focus extra hard on the gift that you were.

Every once in a while, I still find a new treasure.  Like this photograph my brother had.  I could almost feel the summer sun in the prairie sky, smell the lilacs that would bloom on those trees, hear the din of family behind the photographer in that busy country house, and hear the giggle that would be characteristic of Jaycena.  And of course, she was already loving horses.  It takes me back to a feeling where anything was possible, time was slow and meandering, summers went on forever, and always came back around.  Be it innocence, or naivety, it was wonderful, and there she is in the center of it.

Thank you Jaycena, for the gifts of your laughter that echo through time.  For the hugs that can hold a soul for a lifetime, heaven knows we need that now.  For your genuine spirit.  For being compassionate, earnest, kind, funny, and deep -- from the moment I saw you were already these things, and you stayed true to them throughout your short life.  It's a special kind of person who animals intrinsically trust.  Whether it was a bug, a frog, a bird, or some other critter, they sought you out and trusted your touch.  We were truly blessed to have you in our lives...to hold your hand, to hug you back and to wipe away the tears when that big heart felt too much.  We literally delighted in every little thing you did...you had a way of making just a random moment a special one.

I wish I were taking a new picture of you today, teasing you about getting older, or something equally mundane and ordinary.  Or maybe it would just be a text, because you were off a trip somewhere fabulous, like Spain.  Oh how I wish that was the story we had to tell.

Happy 31st birthday in heaven beautiful.  Thank you for sharing light a with us that will shine for our whole lives.  I am often sure I see your hand in the magic of random moments, and I thank you for that gift as well.