Climbing Down the Corporate Ladder

 My place of employment may have been just a medium sized pond in the behemoth of a parent company...I was just a guppy in the bigger scheme of things, but I like to think I was at least one of those oversized goldfish in the pond that was ours.  

That came with the excitement of being in the thick of most of the things, knowing everyone on campus, and after almost 10 years, being one of those people that knew the reasons for why we started doing all the things that we did.  It also came with a company phone that I slept beside for 10 years.  I answered pings hiking on mountaintops, and didn't take a vacation in 10 years without the company laptop for the inevitable thing I would need to log in and help out with or complete, or check on. I didn't complain when the phone started pinging at 4am, interrupting my sleep just to see a bunch of people sending gif's to a mandatory work group from 2000 miles away.  It came with stress, and as the corporate upline team grew, so did the demands on the position, without any additional resources.  There was a gradual giving over of time.  A gradual increase in fatigue, and a turning inwards.  A preference to be home alone on days off rather than joining friends for social outings.  A chronic feeling of being tired and overwhelmed.  The busy work assigned from afar grew and grew, and some of work that supported the local team had to be sacrificed.  That brought on feelings of not being as effective, and some of that work was the work I felt was most important to the end client.

It took some thought, and introspection, and quite honestly a fresh family tragedy that left me without the reserve to tolerate one more thing.  Sometimes the universe gives you a nudge to get to where you need to be. That one more thing happened to be the latest new baby shark 2000 miles away behaving unkindly and unprofessionally on a call.  And that was that.  So I took a deep breath and started my climb down that ladder.  To be fair it was probably only a couple of rungs, but it still felt weird after years of taking on more and more responsibility.

I was nervous about how my decision would be received.  There are so many wonderful people on the local team, and with so many years, I dreaded disappointing anyone.  It was such a relief to be met with genuine appreciation for the work done and well wishes on the next phase of my career journey.

So after 2 weeks off, it's back to work on Monday.  As a smiling, anonymous little nemo, just looking to make a difference for others for 8 hours, and for once, make a difference for my own fishy self for the rest of the day.  

Keep on swimming, wherever that may be.